Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
