We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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