I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Randomize
