I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
