I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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