he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
