i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Randomize
