So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
