Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
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