Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Randomize
