i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
