So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
