Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Randomize
