you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
