Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
