I've blown a few things in my day
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
