I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
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