I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
