Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
