He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
