Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
In other news, I just burned my penis
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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