She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I think I sprained my soul last night
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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