How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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