I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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