Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
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