Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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