is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
