Pregnant stripper...not hot.
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Randomize
