Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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