I murdered the dance floor call the cops
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
