i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
