so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
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