thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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