know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
