the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Randomize
