matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Randomize
