Can i not drive my cunt home
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Randomize
