a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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