a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
