About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Randomize
