I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize
