i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
