The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
