my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
This is my gift to your gina
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
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