Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
