I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
