John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Randomize
