I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Randomize
