im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
