After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
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